Orders of the White Lotus
by iviscrit
Summary: Ever wondered who does the menial work for the White Lotus? That shit ain't handled by outsiders, you can bet on that. Lee the Everyman and rookie White Lotus member reveals insight into Zaheer's complaints of the White Lotus being glorified Avatar servants through a traumatizing experience. Rated T for language. Complete.


_Crackfic. Not for the faint of heart._

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Lee trudged down the stone pathway leading to the White Lotus' most high-security prison, his uniform crisply starched and his arms weighed down by two buckets of scalding water. "Join the White Lotus, they said," he muttered to himself under his breath. "You'll be part of an elite organization, they said." He reached the first gate of the solitary prison, nodding to the guard that let him through. "It'll be fun, they said."

For years, he had trained under the waterbending masters of both the Northern and Southern tribes. He had applied thirteen times, but only on his last attempt did he receive callbacks for every round of the selection process. A master of his craft, he succeeded in every one of the bending duels, receiving praise for his unique handling of the water whip. "A peculiar style of bending," one of the masters had observed approvingly. "See how he wields it! Like an extension of his body."

At the time, Lee had swelled with pride. When he received the letter informing him that the Order had chosen him to join their elite ranks, he had proudly shown his parents. His mother wept tears of joy, and his father had hugged him in approval. He wrote back with his acceptance that very night, and soon he was in their United Republic location, wearing the uniform he had always dreamed of and being briefed by the director of the facility.

What Lee had not been told was that new recruits were doomed to the most abhorrent of jobs.

The White Lotus was run entirely by members, which meant that meals were prepared, floors scrubbed, and trash emptied by members only. The older masters were above such menial work, which meant the younger recruits were forced to take on the drudgery. When Lee was informed that he had spent years mastering his element only to be tasked with emptying the chamber pots of the prisoners, he had stormed off to his room and swore profusely, struck by the injustice of it all by the organization that prided itself on its sense of integrity. Several letters were penned to his parents and all of them discarded like the shit he collected for his daily work, ashamed to admit to his family and friends that the organization he had committed to joining for all of his sentient, waterbending life had utterly failed him.

"Sanitation director, my ass. Just call me a f*cking janitor, spare me the fake title," he said bitterly as he neared his destination. Lee's job was worse than that of most recruits. His unique sweeping motion when he waterbended whips had sentenced him to a an unspecified amount of time on latrine duty. He wasn't sure what was worse: being a master waterbender forced to scrub and empty chamber pots, or that his signature waterbending move that had taken months to develop and perfect was what got him hired for that particular job.

"I'm getting too old for this crap," he muttered under his breath, pausing in front of the tomb-like cell that housed the world's most dangerous criminal. "And I'm only twenty-five." The guards worked efficiently at their safe, clean jobs, free of prisoner excrement and the bacteria that came with it, and Lee stewed with envy. The trip was over too soon, and he entered the cell, the green light from the fluorescent crystal sconces casting eerie shadows on the walls. Zaheer floated over the center platform, bound in chains. A chamber pot was positioned beneath him.

"Zaheer?" Lee called, disgust evident in his voice as he hoisted the buckets of water again and trudged over. "I'm here to take care of your _business_ for you."

The man muttered something unintelligible under his breath, his eyes shut. "_Guru_ _Laghima_," he said, floating over the chamber pot.

"Yeah, _Goo_-ru Laghima," Lee snapped. "Move away from the chamber pot, would you? It's time to empty it."

Zaheer gave no indication of having heard, instead continuing to float in place, his eyes closed. "Let go your earthly tether.."

"Fine, don't move," Lee said loudly, dropping the buckets of water, causing some to slosh out. "Suit yourself." He slowly made his way to the platform, inexplicably uneasy of being directly beneath the most dangerous man in the world.

"...enter the void.."

"Will entering the void mean I won't have to clean up your _shit_ anymore?" Lee muttered. "Disgusting." He was near the chamber pot now, and he grimaced, covering his nose and mouth before he stooped to pick it up.

"..empty.."

"Yeah, real empty, what have you been eating-" Lee stopped abruptly, looking up. He was directly beneath Zaheer, and to his horror he could see that the bum flap of Zaheer's trousers was open. For a traumatizing moment he could see the man's puckered rectum even in the darkness, and the sight of it made his reaction time sluggish. He thought he saw a smile ghost over Zaheer's shadowed face.

"..._and become wind._" What happened next felt like an eternity, but in actuality it would have taken a few seconds. Either way, Lee's eyes filled with horror and his mouth opened in a soundless scream as Zaheer emptied his bowels on the word 'wind,' letting loose a shart that was loud, vile, and as explosive as the demise of his beloved P'li. The loose feces fell directly upon the young White Lotus member, some of it entering his open mouth, and Zaheer smiled cruelly in the dim cell. Watery excrement dripped from Lee's face, and he bended the water rapidly to purge his mouth of the foul taste of the number one criminal's number two.

"AAAGGGGHHH!" His screams echoed off the walls of the cell, but Lee was a professional, and once he had cleaned his body of the feces he emptied the chamber pot and mopped the platform with his signature water whip. The cell was clean, as was Lee, but his soul would forever bear a shit stain as a reminder of the ordeal.

Lee started back for the door, cursing his life and the organization that sent him to clean up after a prisoner that literally shat upon him and the orders of the White Lotus. Before he gave the call for the lift that would release him, a thought occurred to him. The _Order_ had commanded him to empty chamber pots when there were ample ways to do it with bending. The pots were earthen, after all. His hatred for the Order swam before his eyes as the taste of excrement lingered on his tongue, and he spoke, ready to exact vengeance on the organization that had as of now ruined his life.

"When is the Red Lotus recruiting?"

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**A/N: My sisters requested this and I was too happy to oblige. If I made you throw up a bit, sorry not sorry. If you loved it or want to tell me how disgusting I am... review. ;) **


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